The Hardest Part of Healing: Owning My Mistakes

When I Hit My Zero Point

I didn’t just “mess up.”
I reached the point where the life I knew collapsed.
It felt like being torn into tiny, sharp pieces that I couldn’t put back together.

It wasn’t a quick realization. For a long time, I defended myself. I repeated my side of the story like a script, making sure people knew how I’d been wronged. In my head, that narrative was my safety, the one thing keeping me from drowning in guilt.

I’m a Taurus, after all... stubborn is practically my middle name. Owning my mistakes felt like handing over my armor and standing in the middle of the battlefield with no protection.

But here’s the thing about holding onto pride:
It doesn’t protect you.
It poisons you.

Before I Took Accountability

I couldn’t be at peace. My chest felt tight all the time. I’d wake up in the middle of the night replaying the past, over and over, thinking about what they did to me, what they should have done differently.

And because I was so focused on their mistakes, I didn’t notice that mine were quietly eating me alive.

That’s the thing about accountability, you can delay it, you can avoid it, but deep down, you know when you’re running from it.

The Bowing Down Moment

The shift didn’t happen with fireworks or an “aha” moment. It happened in silence.

One night, I sat with myself and dropped every defense I had.

I stopped explaining.

I stopped justifying.

I stopped needing to be right.

And I bowed, not to a person, but to the universe, to God, to life itself, and I said:

“Yes. I was wrong.” No “but…” after it. No conditions. No hidden clauses. Just those words. In that moment, I wasn’t defeated. I wasn’t humiliated. I was free. Because the moment you own your part without excuses, you stop carrying the weight of proving yourself.

The Lesson in the Humbling

Taking accountability is a deeply humbling act.

It’s stripping away ego and pride, not because you’re weak, but because you want to grow.

When I admitted my mistakes, I didn’t magically fix everything. I still had to face consequences. I still had to sit with the discomfort of knowing I hurt myself and maybe even others.

But the difference was, I was no longer fighting the truth.

And when you stop fighting the truth, you start healing.

What Accountability Gave Me

Once I let go of guilt, anger, and disappointment, the light started coming back. Not all at once, but in small, gentle ways, a calmer breath, a clearer mind, a softer heart.

I learned that accountability isn’t about punishing yourself. It’s about respecting yourself enough to be honest. It’s about looking in the mirror and saying, “I can do better. I will do better.”

Owning my mistakes became the bridge between who I was and who I want to be. And while it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, it’s also one of the most rewarding.

If you’re in that place where you can’t stop pointing outward, I get it. I’ve been there.

But I hope one day you give yourself the gift of bowing down, not in shame, but in surrender.

Say the words: “I made a mistake.”

And feel the weight finally lift.

Because that’s when healing truly begins.

Love, 

CM