I Hope I Never Lose This Part of Me
I think that's one of the most important promises I can make to myself. Not that I'll never get hurt again. Not that I'll never trust the wrong person again. But that no matter what life teaches me, I'll never let someone else's inability to love me well become the reason I stop believing in the good that still exists in people. Because I'd rather keep my heart open and occasionally have to heal... than close it forever and never truly live.
7/11/20263 min read
A funny thing happened at quiz night.
Well... not funny, really.
One of those conversations that only lasts a couple of minutes, yet somehow follows you home.
We were talking about my recent breakup. Naturally, the conversation went to the usual place.
"You know... people actually warned me."
I think, deep down, I was looking for confirmation that maybe I should have listened. Maybe I should have been more careful. Maybe I should have seen it coming.
Instead, the response I got completely caught me off guard.
"But he showed you something different."
Then she continued.
"You believed what he showed you, and that's a good thing. That's who you are. You believed your own reality instead of other people's opinions or his past. I just hope you don't change because of this. Keep being you."
I smiled.
We moved on to another conversation.
But I don't think I ever really left that one.
...
The truth is, since the breakup, I've questioned myself more than I've questioned him.
I kept wondering...
Should I trust less?
Should I become more suspicious?
Should I believe people when they tell me someone is a walking red flag, even if that person standing in front of me is showing me kindness, consistency and care?
Heartbreak has a funny way of doing that.
It doesn't just make you question the other person.
It quietly makes you question yourself.
The way you love.
The way you trust.
The way you see people.
For a while, I honestly thought maybe I needed to become a little harder.
Maybe that's how people protect themselves.
Maybe this is how people survive dating.
But then I kept replaying those words in my head.
"He showed you something different."
And she was right.
When I met him, I wasn't dating his reputation.
I wasn't dating stories I'd heard from other people.
I was dating the person he chose to show me.
And I believed that version because... why wouldn't I?
Isn't that what we're all supposed to do?
When someone consistently treats us well, respects us, includes us in their life, makes us feel safe... aren't we supposed to believe that's who they are?
Otherwise, what are relationships built on?
Suspicion?
Background checks?
Assumptions?
No.
They're built on trust.
Trust doesn't make us foolish.
It makes us human.
Sometimes people continue being exactly who they showed you they were.
Sometimes they don't.
And when they don't, that's heartbreaking.
But I don't think it means you were wrong for believing them at the time.
It simply means their actions changed.
That's on them.
Not you.
I've realised something recently.
Learning from pain and becoming bitter are two completely different things.
I absolutely have stronger boundaries now.
I notice consistency more than chemistry.
I pay attention to actions over long periods, not just beautiful moments.
I leave when respect disappears instead of hoping it will return.
Those are lessons.
Those are healthy.
But I never want my lessons to become walls.
Because if one person's choices convince me that everyone is dangerous...
If one broken relationship teaches me never to trust again...
Then that experience has taken something from me that I never wanted to give away.
It has changed who I am.
And I don't want that.
I still want to believe people.
I still want to meet someone with an open heart.
Not a naïve heart.
Not a reckless one.
Just an open one.
Because I genuinely believe most people don't set out to hurt others.
People are simply complicated.
Some don't know themselves.
Some aren't emotionally ready.
Some make selfish decisions.
Some are still carrying wounds they haven't healed.
None of those things excuse hurting someone.
But they also don't mean I have to become someone who expects the worst from everyone I meet.
I think one of the bravest things we can do after heartbreak is to remain kind.
To remain hopeful.
To remain ourselves.
Not because we're pretending nothing happened.
But because we've decided that someone else's choices won't dictate the kind of person we become.
Maybe that's what healing really looks like.
Not becoming colder.
Not becoming tougher.
But becoming wiser, while protecting the softness that makes us... us.
So today, I'm incredibly grateful for a conversation that only lasted a few minutes.
Because sometimes another person sees us more clearly than we can see ourselves.
And sometimes healing doesn't arrive through a grand life lesson.
Sometimes it arrives in one simple sentence.
"I hope you don't change."
I hope I don't either.
From my heart to yours,
CM